


The Call

by Gods_child57



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: First Fanfiction, Gen, M/M, OT4, Self-Harm, angst with happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 08:37:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13454514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gods_child57/pseuds/Gods_child57
Summary: Sometimes the blade just calls. Not in a loud way. It calls quietly, to where only you can hear. Ashton heard it, it was always calling. He could usually ignore it, go about his day, or go hang out with his boyfriends. But today, today was just hard.





	The Call

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry if this is bad. This is my first time writing a fan fiction. Again I apologize.  
> Please leave some constructive criticism. I would love to get better.

Sometimes the blade just calls. Not in a loud way. It calls quietly, to where only you can hear. Ashton heard it, it was always calling. He could usually ignore it, go about his day, or go hang out with his boyfriends. But today, today was just hard.

He woke up to a lot of twitter mentions, but he was not expecting what he saw: “Gawd your such a worthless prick go kill yourself”, “I cant understand how the boys can be around you, your so ugly”, “you worthless little shit”, “go kill yourself”. Of course he tried to just ignore them and go about his day, but then he kept messing up. He kept tripping over his words during the interviews, he tripped on a cord during sound check, ruining one of the microphones. And then to top it all of, he messed up so many times during the show that Calum had to ask if he was alright. And thats how he ended up at this point; sitting on the bed in his hotel room trying to talk himself out of his thoughts. 

The thoughts that kept telling him all he did wrong that day, kept bringing stuff up thats he’s done wrong in the last week. They wouldn’t stop running wrongs and embarrassments, how he had let the boys down, how they couldn’t possible want him; love him. He knew what he wanted to do, but there was just a little bit of doubt telling him not to, to just go to Michael or Luke or Calum. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it, what if they didn’t want him, or they thought he was a bother or annoying. The thoughts wouldn’t let him rest, so he gave in. He went over to his bag and dug through it looking for his shaving razors. By the time he found them he was shaking and had tears running down his face. 

As he made his way to the bathroom razors in hand he heard a knock on his door. He froze, he knew that know but he wouldn’t come by now, not when he was so close to relief. He threw the razors under the pillow on his bed while yelling that he was on his way. When he opened the door just enough to see who it was. Michaels face came through the crack.

“Hey Ashton, we were wondering if you wanted to watch a mov- Hey, are you okay? Are you crying?” Michael said while trying to push the door open. “No, I’m-I’m not crying” he said while trying to wipe his eyes. “Hey Hey, whats wrongs” Michaels asked after he had fully made it into Astons room. “Nothing just got something in my eye” “Hey don’t lie to me, whats wron-” Michael stopped, staring at something on the bed. Ashton turned and saw what Michael was looking at, the razors weren’t fully under the pillow. Ashton turned back, scared to see Michaels face but all he saw was Michael texting. “Luke and Calum will be over in a minute, right now your going to go and sit down and we are going to talk when they get here” Michael said. Just as Michael finished the words Luke and Calum frantically knocked on the door. As Michael walked over to let them in Ashton went over to the bed to sit down, scared about how the boys were going to react. When the door was finally opened Luke and Calum both rushed over to Ashton, concern written clearly on their faces. 

“Hey, what happened?” Both boys asked at the same time. Ashton wouldn’t answer he just kept staring down at his hands. “Look over the pillows you’ll see whats wrong” Michael said firmly. Both boys looked over and saw what Michael was talking about. “Ash,” Luke said sadness and concern creeping into his voice. Ashton still wouldn’t look up. Calum slowly tilted Astons chin up. “Come on Ash look me in the eyes” Calum said. Michael slowly walked over to the bed behind where the other boys were. “Ash, your not in trouble please look up” Luke said trying to catch Ashtons eyes. “No”, “No, no what?” Luke replied. “No I can’t, I cant see you guys upset” Ash said. “Ok, ok, can you at least tell us why, please” Calum asked. Ashton just shook his head while letting out a sob. “Why” Michael asked loudly, making all the boys jump in what was a quiet room. “Y-you’ll be s-so disappointed, I can’t, you’ll be s-so upset” Ashton tried to say while sobbing. Luke and Calum stayed quiet as they saw Michael about to speak. “No we won’t, we want to know why, why you didn’t come to one of us, or all of us, what caused this, we just want to help” Michael said while getting on the bed and pulling Ashton towards his chest. Ashton just lied there, trying to determine whether he should speak up or not. “I-i” Ashton tried. “Shhhh, just take your time” Calum said, the other boys nodded there heads agreeing. Ashton tried to take a deep breath and continued. 

“I-i’ve been g-getting some hate lately, usually I c-can just ignore it, but it got to me, and then I kept messing up our interviews and I broke the cord and made the sound guys mad, and I could see that you were all irritated and I know it was at me you don’t have to try and deny it. And I messed up the concert, and i-i just needed to quiet my thoughts. I know I disappointed you and the fans, and i-i’m s-so s-so-sorry. I c-can d-do bet-ter I promise!” Ashton finished sobbing. All the other boys had few tears running down there cheeks. “ Ash, hey Ashton look at me” Calum asked. Ashton glanced up with tears running down his face. “Whenever you feel like this you come to one of us. You don’t go back to that, okay. We will always be there for you to talk, or cuddle, or just be there. You have us you never go back to that. Do you understand?”. Ashton nodded, “ No we need to hear you say it.” Luke said. “I understand” Ashton quietly said. 

Luke and Calum climbed on the bed then, while Michael pulled Ashton down to lay with him. “Ash, We love you. Remember that Okay.” Michael said. Ash nodded. The boys all got comfortable and slowly all nodded off Ashton stayed awake thinking. As he looked around him, Michael spooned up behind him, Calum spooning Luke, but making sure that both of them were touching him with a leg or arm. He couldn’t help but be thankful that he had these amazing boys here, to help when his thoughts got the best of him.With that thought he slowly fell asleep with a smile on his face.


End file.
